schlomoseamus (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} schlomoseamus) wrote,@ 2007-03-06 07:18:00 |
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The Ballad of Robbie and Christy
A consumer class action lawsuit is the new ambulance chasing. It's just brutal. Here's the proposition:
a) A corporation does something stupid and/or venal
b) Somebody notices and gets mad. They don't get a good answer from the corporation, so
c) They sue or are urged to sue
d) The case is settled.
That's how most of us think it should go, right? Justice should be served.
But here's the crazy part about consumer class action lawsuits: in order to give them teeth lawyers in the case claim to represent anyone who has used the service that created the lawsuit, thus increasing the size of the claim until the corporation takes notice. That means when the claim is settled, all of us poor saps gots to get paid for the perceived loss in value described in the lawsuit.
So you get a check for twenty bucks, right? No. In a remarkable use of loopholes companies can legally recompensate all claimants through substitution of services that they already provide. Here's the list of all the stuff I got in the last two years:
-- Two free weeks on a dating service website. Of course, by then I was engaged to be married
-- A free month membership from Netflix. Of course, I was already a member
-- A twenty dollar credit towards a cell phone calling plan that I had to commit to a year to use. Nah.
-- A free credit score (that was the one that came today and initiated this rant)
It's the lawsuit rebate scam! This is still okay, and fairly funny. Corporations will change their behavior, some people get some free stuff, fine. But this is the last paragraph of the lawsuit description that I got today from the firm managing the suit:
Counsel for the Settlement Class have pursued the Litigation on a contingent basis and have paid all the costs of the Litigation. These lawyers have not yet been paid or recovered any of their expenses. As part of the Settlement, Class Counsel will seek up to $4.0 million in attorneys’ fees and expenses. The Court will determine a reasonable fee and expense award at the Fairness Hearing based on Class Counsel’s Fee and Expense Application and responses thereto. Defendants will not oppose Class Counsel’s Fee and Expense Application. Class Counsel will also ask the Court to approve a $7,500 Incentive Award to each of the Plaintiffs (Robbie Hillis and Christy Slack).
So here's how this plays out:
1) Equifax pays $4 million in cash to the lawyers
2) People like me get limited vouchers for products and services from a company
3) Robbie Hillis and Christy Slack -- the original plaintiffs -- get $7,500 each. AND THAT'S ALL THEY GET.
The law firm representing the plaintiffs is using all us to drum up a lawsuit so that they can take home half of the projected winnings, leaving the original plaintiffs with table scraps and the rest of the "plaintiffs" -- us -- with a bunch of essentially irredeemable coupons.
You know, I'm really bullish on lawsuits to keep corporations in line. But that sucks SO much.
A consumer class action lawsuit is the new ambulance chasing. It's just brutal. Here's the proposition:
a) A corporation does something stupid and/or venal
b) Somebody notices and gets mad. They don't get a good answer from the corporation, so
c) They sue or are urged to sue
d) The case is settled.
That's how most of us think it should go, right? Justice should be served.
But here's the crazy part about consumer class action lawsuits: in order to give them teeth lawyers in the case claim to represent anyone who has used the service that created the lawsuit, thus increasing the size of the claim until the corporation takes notice. That means when the claim is settled, all of us poor saps gots to get paid for the perceived loss in value described in the lawsuit.
So you get a check for twenty bucks, right? No. In a remarkable use of loopholes companies can legally recompensate all claimants through substitution of services that they already provide. Here's the list of all the stuff I got in the last two years:
-- Two free weeks on a dating service website. Of course, by then I was engaged to be married
-- A free month membership from Netflix. Of course, I was already a member
-- A twenty dollar credit towards a cell phone calling plan that I had to commit to a year to use. Nah.
-- A free credit score (that was the one that came today and initiated this rant)
It's the lawsuit rebate scam! This is still okay, and fairly funny. Corporations will change their behavior, some people get some free stuff, fine. But this is the last paragraph of the lawsuit description that I got today from the firm managing the suit:
Counsel for the Settlement Class have pursued the Litigation on a contingent basis and have paid all the costs of the Litigation. These lawyers have not yet been paid or recovered any of their expenses. As part of the Settlement, Class Counsel will seek up to $4.0 million in attorneys’ fees and expenses. The Court will determine a reasonable fee and expense award at the Fairness Hearing based on Class Counsel’s Fee and Expense Application and responses thereto. Defendants will not oppose Class Counsel’s Fee and Expense Application. Class Counsel will also ask the Court to approve a $7,500 Incentive Award to each of the Plaintiffs (Robbie Hillis and Christy Slack).
So here's how this plays out:
1) Equifax pays $4 million in cash to the lawyers
2) People like me get limited vouchers for products and services from a company
3) Robbie Hillis and Christy Slack -- the original plaintiffs -- get $7,500 each. AND THAT'S ALL THEY GET.
The law firm representing the plaintiffs is using all us to drum up a lawsuit so that they can take home half of the projected winnings, leaving the original plaintiffs with table scraps and the rest of the "plaintiffs" -- us -- with a bunch of essentially irredeemable coupons.
You know, I'm really bullish on lawsuits to keep corporations in line. But that sucks SO much.
